2016 Day one. I am in deep need of strength for the journey before me and in truth a part of me want's to crawl into a warm cave and just spend 2016 hidden from the world, surrounded by books and dogs. Happiness just might be possible if one could simply spend life with books and dogs. But God has more in store than a hermitage despite how appealing a hermitage might be. Speaking of this, I can truly understand why people are driven to retreat from life into monasteries or desert abodes and spend their days in prayer and reflection.

    I am troubled this morning, troubled for people whom God has brought into my life, people who are hurting, people who need help, people whose needs are so often overwhelming to me, needs that I simply cannot meet no matter how much I might yearn to do so. I am also troubled by the fact that I often feel so alone in trying to meet the needs of the suffering. Lord why do You bring all this into my life and then give me only prayers and desire and maybe a few dollars to try an meet an ocean of need? Why not lay this on someone like Donald Trump, or Mr. Facebook owner? Some days I almost feel like I slap folks in the face with my meager prayers and my fistful of crumpled dollars and I feel like some bedraggled beggar pleading for enough money to buy a cup of coffee on a cold day from strangers who really prefer not to be reminded of the need. I know in my heart that these thoughts are not true, yet oft times they plaque me still.

    I find myself often disappointed in my lack of ability to inspire passion and care. I feel like I spend a great deal of my time trying to inspire and yet feeling like a fingernail scrapping across a chalkboard, folks really just want that to stop, they really don't want to hear it. They tire of my constant blather,, enough already, put it to rest and say no more. After all, you cannot change the reality of what is so why beat yourself bloody trying to? My heart cries out to God, "Lord, am I making any difference at all ?"  Again, I know these thoughts are not truthful, nor are they helpful, but still I am often troubled by them.

   Last night I was deeply discouraged and retreated into my room to sit and read and to pray. I opened up my little book of Psalms and began to read. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." My problem is now defined. I have placed my trust and my hope in people. I am trying to inspire an army of people to defeat the problem. God doesn't often work like the world works. Numbers mean nothing at all to Him, He doesn't need armies. It doesn't matter if you are only one, or two, or a handful, if God places a burden on your heart then you run with it and you keep running and it doesn't matter who joins in. It is God who has called you to run and He will bring about His purpose. 

   Years ago I prayed a somewhat dangerous prayer....."Lord, break my heart with the things that break Yours." He has been faithful to answer it. There are days when I really do not want to care. Caring hurts. I have enough hurt with my own dear ones to last a lifetime, why take on more? Why shoulder the burden of another's cares? Why not take care of your own and forget the suffering of others, why not try on apathy and indifference?  Now in reflection I ask myself, do I really desire apathy, do I really want to be able to see the things I see, know the things I know and not be bothered by it? Do I really want to just live my life with my problems and the problems of those closest to me and not worry nor think about the suffering of others? 

   I can answer that with a resounding NO! I would rather be dead than to have a heart different than the one He gave me. He gave me empathy. He gave me a heart that soaks up suffering like some kind of super sponge. Over time it becomes saturated, unable to take in any more and it's times like that I need to remember to squeeze it all out and fill it back up with His promises, His love, His endurance, His grace, His mercy and then run right back out there and do it all over again. Again and again and again for as long as He gives me breath and life.

   I keep going back to the image of a large bucket in need of filling, and I equipped with what seems to be an eyedropper and a limited amount of water. As I transfer my drops, from the tiny cup I hold into the bucket it is easy to become discouraged. The bucket is huge, the water I have been given is limited and even if I expend every last drop of my cup into the bucket the bucket still looks empty. So why bother? Bother because it matters, one act of kindness even if it does not fully meet the need will touch the heart of the one in need. Sometimes that is all that is needed is for people to know somebody cares. Bother because before you started the bucket was empty, and now it has a little water in it. Bother because the God you serve once took a handful of fish and fed a crowd of thousands. Bother because He has asked you to transfer your meager water into someone else's giant bucket.

   The world cries out Apathy! Indifference! Take care of yourself and to hell with the world! You cannot make a difference so why bother?  Why get upset over things you cannot change? These are lies. There is nothing worse than apathy and indifference, selfishness kills and everyone has the power to make a difference. Your cup, my cup and the cup of a hundred more can fill that bucket.

   Our example is Christ, the Redeemer, the Suffering Servant, The Merciful One, His life is filled with examples of how we ought live.

   So I set out now, on this road called 2016 with my cup that overflows, and my eyedropper, with purpose in my step, with my eyes lifted to the One who holds all things together and I pray, I pray a prayer for 2016, for every soul upon this planet.

May we live with eyes wide open,

May God break our hearts with the things that break His,

May we unclench our hands and let some of the water He has given flow out to others,

May we live out mercy,

May we live out peace,

May we be inspired to know with certainty that we can in fact make a difference,

May we trust in Him and not in the things of this world,

May we speak gospel,

May we remember that we serve the One who took a handful of fish and fed thousands,

May we not grow weary in doing good,

May we cease struggling for happiness and instead embrace joy,

May apathy be erased from our hearts,

May indifference die,

May we constantly immerse ourselves in His word,

May we remember His promises,

May we follow His instructions,

May we be people who love in word and in deed.

   I wish you and yours a 2016 filled with His presence, inspired by His promises and joyful in the expectations of His will being carried out in your life. Happiness is fleeting, joy is everlasting.

O Lord, length of days does not profit me

Except the days are passed in Thy presence,

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,

sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour

   

   My word for 2015 was LIVE. I had spent so much time waiting, holding my breath, hands clenched tight on this roller coaster of life. I felt God was telling me to breathe, and to live gratefully and joyfully despite the circumstances.

   I have been somewhat successful at my endeavor for 2015 although I have at times fallen back into my habit of holding on, breath held tight, waiting for something to pass. I have found that certain things are key to living despite our circumstances. Primarily one must believe in God and have relationship with Him.  One must look for the blessings, the common daily things, the moments of beauty and grace that are always there, even in the middle of the not so good times. And last, but no means least one must have an attitude of praise to the Giver of life.

   This attitude of thankfulness is cultivated (at least it has been so for me) by seeking to see the blessings and acknowledging them. How many sunrises do you fail to see, how many sunsets? How many beautiful flowers, trees, mountains, lakes and streams do you fail to really take notice of? How many times have you heard the laughter of a loved one, seen the smile cross their face and failed to really even notice how beautiful it is? There are a hundred thousand things for which to be thankful.

 I am thankful for the living, for the everyday blessings of beautiful sunrise, beautiful flowers, still mountain lakes, pink mountains in evening sunset, the sound of a loved ones laughter, the feel and smell of a good strong hug, dogs who are so happy to greet me, the sight of snow softly falling on a crisp winter day, hot tea on a cold evening, the sound of voices raised in praise to a good God, for friends joining with me in prayer, for words written on paper, for birds around the feeder, for the strong warm man who is my husband, for the hope that burns within my heart, for the Savior who loves me........

 A new year is coming, the old one is passing and as it passes I will take into the new year the lessons I have learned in the old one. The new year requires a new word. After much reflection I have determined that the new word for the new year is PURPOSE. It seems like an excellent word to follow after LIVE.

  I desire to live with an attitude of gratefulness, and an attitude of praise to the One who holds all things together, and I desire to live with PURPOSE, to make the moments count as best I can, to spend them on the things and the people that matter most. I have learned this past year that God always has work for us to do, ALWAYS. We so often miss the moments. I don't want to miss them anymore. I want to live with my eyes wide open, and my heart wide open, so that I can see the needs, and I can do what ever I can do to meet them.

    Lord, I want to make the days count, to pause for prayer, to pause for praise, to pause for reflection, to greet each soul as if this greeting is the very last one, to depart from each soul as if this is the final goodbye, to forgive easy, to love hard, to trust always in Your grace and to fall on Your mercy, to hold onto hope, to live with eyes wide open, to embrace it all, even if it hurts, to speak truth, always in love, to be a source of comfort, a source of encouragement, to always build and never tear down, to believe in miracles, remember Your promises, feast on Your word and to pray without ceasing. Only by Your great grace can I accomplish these things. Help me Father, help us all Father, to LIVE with PURPOSE.

  A new year is coming, I see the road ahead......off we go!

 

 

       “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

  It is my desire, to be able to proclaim these words, with truth and vigor, when I reach the end of my days.

In 2014, I will, God willing, reach my fifty fourth birthday. An old woman according to the young folks, who in polls proclaimed 54 as the age one becomes an “old person”.

I have been running the Christian race now for 25 years. I have not always ran well, there have been many times when I simply slept by the side of the track, and those awful times when I found a room somewhere and dwelt there awhile, forgetting the race entirely and being caught up in worldly cares.

There have been moments when I ran sure and strong, moments when I stumbled, moments when I crawled, my chest heaving for air, moments when others carried me, moments when I paused to carry others. As I stand here, on the brink of a new year, I realize that I am closer now to the finish line than I am to the start of the race. Examining myself, I can truly say, that this realization brings no fear; in fact it fills my heart with hope and strengthens my soul.

It is my heart’s desire to finish well, to run with grace, to run for Him. I care not what people remember of me when I am gone, other than this one thing; that they would be able with truth to say, “She loved her Lord, and more often than not we could see Him in her”. Not everyone could say that should God take me home today, and sadly there would be some who might say “I did not know she was a Christian”!, oh God forbid I allow such a thing to be!

So I will make no resolutions this year. Instead I will write out the desire of my heart for the year 2014, and I will make it the year of beginnings. I will begin this year to plan my own funeral, with the goal in mind of making certain the life celebrated on that day will bring glory to Him. I will run the race this year with the desire and hope…………..

                                           To make the days count,

                                           To pause for prayer,

                                           To pause for reflection,

                                           To greet each soul as if I may not see them again,

                                           To depart from each soul as if this is the final good bye,

                                           To forgive easy,

                                           To love hard,

                                           To trust in His grace,

                                           To fall on His mercy,

                                           To hold onto hope,

                                           To live eyes wide open,

                                           To embrace it all, even if it hurts,

                                           To speak truth, always in love,

                                           To be a source of comfort,

                                           To be a source of encouragement,

                                           To build and not tear down,

                                           To believe in miracles,

                                           To remember His promises,

                                           To feast on His word,

                                           To prepare always, as best I can for the day that I step into His presence.

 Oh Lord, strengthen heart for the race, strengthen lungs, strengthen bones, grant courage, grant peace, grant joy, grant endurance. More of You Lord, less of me, may self die daily in 2014, so that Your light can shine forth from my soul. May each day be lived as if it were the day that would end with me kneeling at Your feet in glory.

Lord come strong in 2014, come strong into our hearts and lives, and come strong into the hearts and lives of the people we love.