I am troubled this morning, troubled for people whom God has brought into my life, people who are hurting, people who need help, people whose needs are so often overwhelming to me, needs that I simply cannot meet no matter how much I might yearn to do so. I am also troubled by the fact that I often feel so alone in trying to meet the needs of the suffering. Lord why do You bring all this into my life and then give me only prayers and desire and maybe a few dollars to try an meet an ocean of need? Why not lay this on someone like Donald Trump, or Mr. Facebook owner? Some days I almost feel like I slap folks in the face with my meager prayers and my fistful of crumpled dollars and I feel like some bedraggled beggar pleading for enough money to buy a cup of coffee on a cold day from strangers who really prefer not to be reminded of the need. I know in my heart that these thoughts are not true, yet oft times they plaque me still.
I find myself often disappointed in my lack of ability to inspire passion and care. I feel like I spend a great deal of my time trying to inspire and yet feeling like a fingernail scrapping across a chalkboard, folks really just want that to stop, they really don't want to hear it. They tire of my constant blather,, enough already, put it to rest and say no more. After all, you cannot change the reality of what is so why beat yourself bloody trying to? My heart cries out to God, "Lord, am I making any difference at all ?" Again, I know these thoughts are not truthful, nor are they helpful, but still I am often troubled by them.
Last night I was deeply discouraged and retreated into my room to sit and read and to pray. I opened up my little book of Psalms and began to read. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." My problem is now defined. I have placed my trust and my hope in people. I am trying to inspire an army of people to defeat the problem. God doesn't often work like the world works. Numbers mean nothing at all to Him, He doesn't need armies. It doesn't matter if you are only one, or two, or a handful, if God places a burden on your heart then you run with it and you keep running and it doesn't matter who joins in. It is God who has called you to run and He will bring about His purpose.
Years ago I prayed a somewhat dangerous prayer....."Lord, break my heart with the things that break Yours." He has been faithful to answer it. There are days when I really do not want to care. Caring hurts. I have enough hurt with my own dear ones to last a lifetime, why take on more? Why shoulder the burden of another's cares? Why not take care of your own and forget the suffering of others, why not try on apathy and indifference? Now in reflection I ask myself, do I really desire apathy, do I really want to be able to see the things I see, know the things I know and not be bothered by it? Do I really want to just live my life with my problems and the problems of those closest to me and not worry nor think about the suffering of others?
I can answer that with a resounding NO! I would rather be dead than to have a heart different than the one He gave me. He gave me empathy. He gave me a heart that soaks up suffering like some kind of super sponge. Over time it becomes saturated, unable to take in any more and it's times like that I need to remember to squeeze it all out and fill it back up with His promises, His love, His endurance, His grace, His mercy and then run right back out there and do it all over again. Again and again and again for as long as He gives me breath and life.
I keep going back to the image of a large bucket in need of filling, and I equipped with what seems to be an eyedropper and a limited amount of water. As I transfer my drops, from the tiny cup I hold into the bucket it is easy to become discouraged. The bucket is huge, the water I have been given is limited and even if I expend every last drop of my cup into the bucket the bucket still looks empty. So why bother? Bother because it matters, one act of kindness even if it does not fully meet the need will touch the heart of the one in need. Sometimes that is all that is needed is for people to know somebody cares. Bother because before you started the bucket was empty, and now it has a little water in it. Bother because the God you serve once took a handful of fish and fed a crowd of thousands. Bother because He has asked you to transfer your meager water into someone else's giant bucket.
The world cries out Apathy! Indifference! Take care of yourself and to hell with the world! You cannot make a difference so why bother? Why get upset over things you cannot change? These are lies. There is nothing worse than apathy and indifference, selfishness kills and everyone has the power to make a difference. Your cup, my cup and the cup of a hundred more can fill that bucket.
Our example is Christ, the Redeemer, the Suffering Servant, The Merciful One, His life is filled with examples of how we ought live.
So I set out now, on this road called 2016 with my cup that overflows, and my eyedropper, with purpose in my step, with my eyes lifted to the One who holds all things together and I pray, I pray a prayer for 2016, for every soul upon this planet.
May we live with eyes wide open,
May God break our hearts with the things that break His,
May we unclench our hands and let some of the water He has given flow out to others,
May we live out mercy,
May we live out peace,
May we be inspired to know with certainty that we can in fact make a difference,
May we trust in Him and not in the things of this world,
May we speak gospel,
May we remember that we serve the One who took a handful of fish and fed thousands,
May we not grow weary in doing good,
May we cease struggling for happiness and instead embrace joy,
May apathy be erased from our hearts,
May indifference die,
May we constantly immerse ourselves in His word,
May we remember His promises,
May we follow His instructions,
May we be people who love in word and in deed.
I wish you and yours a 2016 filled with His presence, inspired by His promises and joyful in the expectations of His will being carried out in your life. Happiness is fleeting, joy is everlasting.
O Lord, length of days does not profit me
Except the days are passed in Thy presence,
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour
