I came to really know Melanie Griego during the first combat deployment of my son Adam, her husband. She lived with me during that deployment. We became very close. Mel and I were worlds apart in personality. I tend to be a fairly unemotional woman, and she was a very emotional woman. She loved to dress up, I always preferred jeans and a t-shirt. She liked doing her makeup, I rarely wore makeup. She liked to sing and dance and had a beautiful voice, I rarely danced and have a terrible voice.

  Mel felt her emotions to the core of her soul, sometimes they consumed her. If she was happy, it was a joyful happy, like a child going to Disneyland, or like a child on Christmas morning. If she were sad, it was the same intensity, things that might only be a small bump in the road for me, were more like a train wreck for her.

 We did many things together, we prayed, we sang, we talked, we argued, we laughed, we cried. God drew us together, and God enabled us, despite our rather drastic differences, to love each other deeply. Mel was the daughter that God never gave me.  She had a huge heart, she felt the pain of others, and she deeply cared, especially when people were hurting. I learned a lot from Melanie, and God used her greatly in my life and in my Christian walk. I will forever treasure the time I spent with her. Not all of it was easy, but every bit of it was worth it. I believe I am a better person today, and a better Christian, because of Mel Bell. She gave you the opportunity to walk out what you believed, she challenged you to live what you preached. I am so very grateful.

Our Mel Bell believed in the Christ, she believed in His mercy and grace. She knew that she was a child of God. Through the circumstances she was given in this life, she did her best to honor Him, it was the desire of her heart to live for Him. Like all of us, she faltered from time to time. We all do. But for Mel, it was much more difficult than it is for you and I. Mel faced living with a mental disorder, one that was consuming her. She tried for years to deny it, to overcome it through sheer will power and she was unable to do so. All the beauty she created, all the good things she did for others, all the love she displayed, often for strangers, was done in the midst of this disorder. If she hurt others, during periods of sadness, during the dark nights of the soul, she was always broken by it. She never wanted to hurt anyone.

  In regards to her leaving us, Mel knew that what she was doing was wrong, she knew it was not what God would want her to do. She asked many questions before she left that we now know were attempts to seek assurance of God’s forgiveness. She loved Jesus and I know she was a little worried, if what she was going to do would cost her His relationship. Family members have told us that in the days before she left, she spent a lot of time listening to Christian music, and singing to God (she had a beautiful voice), she read her Bible (she loved that Bible, she had carried it since it was given to her, on the day she came to Christ), she had marked various passages in it. She highlighted and left her bookmark on Psalm 23, The Shepherds Psalm.

We have all heard and acted upon certain phrases, phrases such as cast yourself upon the mercy of God, cast yourself upon the grace of God, take a leap of faith, and others similar to these. It is my belief that Melanie acted upon these same precepts.

 She clutched a prayer card in her hand and she cast herself upon the grace and mercy of her Lord.

You were not there to catch her……I was not there to catch her…..each of us here, even those of you who did not know her well, wish with all your hearts that you had been there to catch her, all who loved her  wanted to give her peace, to encourage her, to set her free, to keep her safe, to have her know that we loved her, and for our love to be enough to save her……..we all wish that we had been there to catch her……but I assure you beloved, with a faith in my heart so strong that nothing can snatch it from me….I assure you…..THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE TO CATCH HER! JESUS WAS THERE TO CATCH HER! SHE IS WITH HIM NOW AND ALL IS WELL!

God’s word tells us:

““There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.”

“We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.”

  In closing, in the days to come, as each of us walk out our lives here on earth, I urge you to submit yourselves to God, walk with Him always, through the good times and the bad, through the dark nights of the soul that each of us experience. Cast your cares upon Him, trust Him, trust in His goodness, in His provision, in His purpose….take a leap of faith…….not as our Mel Bell did, for I do not believe this was God’s best for her, He would have brought beauty and grace to her and to others through her life had she chosen to stay with us and to walk with Him here…..but she was weary, and in His grace, in His mercy and in His Divine Providence he allowed her to come on home. So please, do not do it as Mel did, but instead, walk out your lives in faith and  trust in His goodness and mercy, there will be hard times for God has told us that in this life we will have sorrows. Trust Him to see you through them, to the end and help others along the way.

Use all that you have learned from knowing and loving our Mel Bell, in His service. If you place your full faith and confidence in Christ you will see her again.

Today (March 31st, 2013) around 5pm, Gunnar Griego, eater of bees, affectionately known as Gunny Roo Roo, Smeagol, the Wrymn, and lately The Old Man, passed from this life. He was almost 13 years old. He was the best of dogs.

 He passed in peace after spending some time with me, his person, and with one of his boys, and with hugs sent from afar from his other boy, and from his Dad. We played a little fetch, although he had to lay down and rest after only two throws, he had a little bit of chicken, although he really was not much hungry, and when the time came to go, he lay down upon the blanket and received more love from his person and his boy, we told him what a good boy he was, and how much we loved him, and how blessed we have been to have him in our lives. He closed his eyes and crossed over.

 Where To Bury A Dog

 There are various places within which a dog may be buried. We are thinking now of a Vizsla named Gunnar, whose coat was a flame in the sunshine, and who, so far as we are aware, never entertained a mean or an unworthy thought. This Vizsla will be buried beneath a sage brush, in his back yard, where he loved to hunt for lizards.

 Beneath a cherry tree, or an apple, or any shrub of the garden, is an excellent place to bury a good dog. Beneath such trees, such shrubs, he slept in the drowsy summer, or gnawed at a flavorous bone, or lifted head to challenge some strange intruder. These are good places, in life or in death. Yet it is a small matter, and it touches sentiment more than anything else.

 For if the dog be well remembered, if sometimes he leaps through your dreams actual as in life, eyes kindling, questing, asking, laughing, begging, it matters not at all where that dog sleeps at long and at last. On a hill where the wind is unrebuked and the trees are roaring, or beside a stream he knew in puppy hood, or somewhere in the flatness of a pasture land, where most exhilarating cattle graze. It is all one to the dog, and all one to you, and nothing is gained, and nothing lost -- if memory lives. But there is one best place to bury a dog. One place that is best of all.

 If you bury him in this spot, the secret of which you must already have, he will come to you when you call -- come to you over the grim, dim frontiers of death, and down the well-remembered path, and to your side again. And though you call a dozen living dogs to heel they should not growl at him, nor resent his coming, for he is yours and he belongs there.

 People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall, who hear no whimper pitched too fine for mere audition, people who may never really have had a dog. Smile at them then, for you shall know something that is hidden from them, and which is well worth the knowing.

The one best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master.

 Gunnar Griego you will forever be buried in our hearts....rest in peace my good boy.

Original by Ben Hur Lampman, edited for Gunnar Griego

A young woman awakens, she is lying in a field of lush grass, a beautiful blue sky above her, she feels no discomfort. She does not know who she is, nor where she is, nor where she came from, but she is unafraid. She stands and looks around. She knows that she is gazing upon the most beautiful scene she has ever seen, although she still has no memory of who she is, or of what scenes she has gazed upon in her life.

 The field is a vivid green, full of flowers of all shapes and colors, their scent fills the air with fragrance, there is an abundance of life around her, trees filled with singing birds, the field filled with animals, some lazing about, some frolicking in the grass. Deer, antelope, zebra, even elephants, along with lions, and leopards and wolves. All are at peace here, as if they are accustomed to living together and causing no harm to one another. There are hundreds of butterfly's wisping about the various flowers. It is a glorious place! Her heart is filled with elation and joy!

 Across the field she sees a black and white shape, low to the ground and running fast, it is a dog, in a moment a name comes into her mind, she knows this dog, it is Charlie, he is her dog, although still, she has no idea who she is. Charlie leaps into her arms, as he has a hundred times in the past, and as he was created to do, he lies limp in her arms as she hugs him. She has held him and hugged him like this a great many times, but he knows that this time is different. She sheds no tears, she does not moan or weep, there is no anguish of soul, as there often was in the past. This is why he must lay still in her arms, it is his purpose to comfort her, to simply be there for her. He is delighted when he hears not weeping as she holds him, but laughter, a sweet melody of laughter, like beautiful bells ringing gently in the breeze.

 Something alerts the dog, and the animals, she notices, and allows the dog to drop gently to the ground. All of them are moving towards a sound, it is the sound of singing. A beautiful male voice singing, but she cannot understand the words, she moves along with the animals towards the sound.

 A man is approaching, a strong and rugged man, he is surrounded by a multitude of animals and birds, as she approaches closer, puzzled by this, for there is something within her that seems to say she knows this man. She is at last close enough to see him, to make eye contact with him, and at that very moment when her eyes meet his..........she knows......she remembers her name.....she remembers her life......and in a split second she knows the answers to so very many questions she has asked across the years. She knows without question how much her family and friends loves her, she sees all the people across the years, who have been part of her life, she understands now the why of things that may have caused her pain, and she forgives each one, for she now knows fully the love that many of these people had for her. She sees with clarity the mistakes that were made, she knows the why of the hurts she has suffered..........she knows all this and understands completely.

 She drops to her knees at the feet of this man, her face to the ground for she cannot bear to look upon him......for at the same moment that she knew her own name, she also knew His.....He is the Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, He is her Lord, how often she failed him she thinks to herself, how can she look upon Him, how can she bear Him to look upon her. All of this takes place in an instant, she still face down on the ground, gazing at His nail scarred feet, timidly she raises her face towards Him, as tears begin to fall down her cheek.

 His rugged hand, His nail scarred hand, gently reaches down and with the thumb he wipes the tears from her cheek,and He says "welcome home my child" and in that instant, the sorrow is gone, her soul, her very being is filled with a radiate love. She is home! All is well! Peace, and hope and love and joy flood her soul! He lifts her to her feet and she is overwhelmed by the joy, once again she hears the music and the song that heralded this man's approaching, and now, now she can understand the words! She begins to sing, and she dances, her feet lite as air, she whirls and spins and sings, all for Him.....and as He watches her joyful dance, He laughs, a deep laugh, from the heart, He is not laughing at her, He is laughing in the joy of watching her. He is thrilled and pleased by her joyful dance.

 Her dance concludes and she stands before Him, she feels full of life, full of joy, full of energy, she is at peace......He takes her hand and smiles at her and says,  "Melanie, I have prepared a place for you.....come and see." They walk off into the light, the black and white dog following at her heels.

 Dance with the angels Melanie, lift your voice in song to the King, the dark night of the soul has passed, you now stand in His Light. All is well. Give Charlie dog a hug from me. I will see you again one day. We will dance together.

4/28/88-3/12/13

More Musings from the Demented Mind of an Infantry Mother

Definition of Demented: Driven to behave irrationally due to anger, distress, or excitement.

 Our roller coaster ride leaves the platform this week. For months we have had this in the back of our minds, and for weeks now the fear has built up, the roller coaster we will be riding is enormous, with many loops, hair pin turns and it seems in our eyes to be higher than any roller coaster ever built.  The workman building this enormous ride of fear seem hell-bent to make it bigger, and faster, as each passing week when we gaze upon it, it reaches a little higher into the sky, and the drops are more severe than they appeared last week. It is certainly higher, faster and more frightening than the last one we experienced. Will our family survive this beast intact? Do they really expect us to ride this thing for nine months!

  I would like to refuse to get on it, to run away from it, please surely there is a smaller one we can take? Perhaps one with only one loop, perhaps one that does not jerk you around so much? But no, this one is ours, we are committed, and we simply have to get on board and strap in.

 The roller coaster I refer to is deployment. The time has come; our first-born son is leaving for combat operations in the country of Afghanistan. We know a little bit about what to expect. We anticipate the sleepless nights, the ball of fear that always rests in the pits of our stomach. The fear of strange cars parked on our street. The crazy obsession with keeping everything up on our phones at all times, Facebook, Skype, Messenger, Email and of course the phone itself. The sheer panic when you look down and realize your battery is almost dead and you left your charger at home! The crazy shopping trips where our cart is filled with baby wipes, deodorant, beef jerky, cans of chewing tobacco and a multitude of snacks.

 And of course those truly horrible feelings, when you hear news that someone was injured, someone has fallen. Is it he? Oh Dear God may it not be him? And then the names are released, or you hear from your soldier, and you rejoice, praise be to God he is okay…and then you think of the family of the one who did fall, the one who was injured…and your heart breaks into pieces…how can I rejoice…how could I have felt such joy knowing that someone like me, a family much like us, now has to endure the thing we all fear most, the death or injury of our soldier.

 What we do not know is how recent events that have unfolded in Afghanistan will affect our son and the men standing with him. It seems certain that these events will not make their job easier, and that it will place them in greater danger. And it is for sure certain that recent events have caused our fears to rise to an almost unmanageable level. We do not know how to deal with news that our soldier has been injured, and we do not know how to endure hearing the news that our soldier has fallen. We pray like all families of the deployed, that we will never have to learn what this is like.

 We are very afraid, our younger son is very afraid, we wish with all our hearts that this cup would pass from us, but even amidst the fear ,we embrace this deployment. This is what our first-born son does, he is a good soldier, and he loves his work, as he loves the men who serve with him. He extended his contract to accept this deployment, and we his family are very proud of the man that he has become. So we will stand with him these next nine months. We will help carry his burdens and the burdens of his brothers. We will lift them up in prayer throughout each day. We will arise when we are awakened in the middle of the night, and we will pray. We will remind our coworkers, our fellow church members, our neighbors and our friends of the reality of the war, and encourage them to support those serving in it. We like our son will hold the motto “Follow Me” close to our hearts and encourage everyone to follow us, follow us and know these brave men and woman who serve in our nations armed forces, know these brave men who serve as our combat troops, send them packages, pray for them always, and we will never allow the people around us to forget for we are Infantry family and we are strong and faithful.

 I am the Infantry family

I am my soldier’s strength in war,

His home in peace.

I am the heart of my soldier

wherever, whenever.

I carry his burdens in faith and honor

 And hold him up to God.

I am a Prayer Warrior.

I am what my soldier expects me to be,

A source of strength for him

in his race for victory.

I have strong faith in my soldier

I am determined to always be his rock.

I am courageous; never will he see my fear

Never will I fail my soldier’s trust.

Always will I labor on

Through the fear, to the objective, to bring him safely home.

I yield not to weakness, to fear, to anxiety, to fatigue,

For I am mentally tough, spiritually strong, and morally straight.

I forsake not my soldier, his mission, his comrades, his sacred duty.

I am relentless

I am always there for him and his brothers

now and forever

I am the Infantry family

Follow me!

 Let the ride commence! We are ready! We will endure!

 God bless our troops, God bless our Infantry, God bless our military families. God bless and keep all those who are currently on the ride, praise God for all those who have returned from the ride, and strength and courage to all those preparing to strap in.

The Lord be with you my son, go forth, knowing that there will not be one day, not one waking moment, that you are not being brought before the throne of God. We love you son....Godspeed!