Last night was the 4th of July, and for our family it was a night of many firsts. It was my oldest son's first 4th of July since returning from war, and it was my niece's first 4th of July without her beloved husband. It was my nephews, aged six and two, first 4th of July without their dear father.......it was a night of firsts.....

Events that occurred last night led me to much reflection this morning, and I began to think of shoes. There is a saying that one should not judge another until they have walked a mile in their shoes....and I think the events that occurred last night confirmed this.

On a beach in South Carolina, a group of young boys play football during a firework show. It is possible that their loud cries, and their activity irritated those gathered to watch the show. On that same beach a man and woman were gathered....and had already consumed too much alcohol. The man began to yell and curse at the children....frightening them...the mother and uncle and aunt of the children rushed to their defense and a argument ensued.

At this point in our story you may have come to some conclusions of your own, some "judgements" for lack of a better word. Things such as "people should not go out in public drunk"...or "the children should have been sitting and watching the fireworks and not playing football"........

What is know to us is the reason the children were playing, and not watching....the reason was one six year old boy...who did not want to see the fireworks....he lost his soldier father just a couple weeks ago, and the fireworks remind him of his dad...they stir pain and sorrow in his heart, and he tries with everything he has in him...to play it away....to shout..to run....to ignore the fireworks and the display of patriotism in an effort to quiet the pain that has been inside his heart since the very moment his mother informed him of his fathers passing.

I imagine had the drunken man and woman known all these facts, they would have never yelled at the children, they would have displayed compassion and overlooked any irritation they might be feeling towards them.......but they did not know the story....and they reacted in anger, in vile words, and without even knowing what they were doing, they made the heart of this six year old, already broken.....more wounded than before.

What we do not know is why this man and woman reacted as they did. We can only speculate, which leads me to an occurrence going on across the country, near Seattle Washington the night of the 4th, where my oldest son and his friends have gathered together. The fireworks are going off all around, the air is full of the smell of gunpowder, and the sounds of the blasts from all directions has a sense of gunfire, mortars and chaos.....they are all on edge, they distract themselves with music and jokes, and alcohol, but the truth of the matter is, they really are not enjoying this 4th of July, the memories are too fresh, memories of real explosions, real gunfire, screams and wounds and death and destruction...

Is it possible that the drunken man and woman may have been dealing with the same issues? We do not know.....but what we can learn from these experiences is not to judge others, to have compassion without requiring a story...ask yourself always "why is this person behaving in this way"?.. "what might they be dealing with?...what tragedy may have occurred in their life? All we know is that these two drunken people ruined an entire families attempts to escape some of the pain and just try and be "normal", if only for a moment. Perhaps they were making the same attempt, for different reasons....we simply do not know.

It is certain that this world needs more understanding and compassion, more love and more hope, more people trying to at least imagine themselves in another's shoes...even if only for a moment. Examine your own life....have you suffered? Have you felt pain and sorrow? Have you lost someone you love? Have you endured the fires of war? Have you been down and out with no idea how you would buy your next meal?...Is it possible the person you are judging, the situation in which you are allowing yourself to explode on someone, is rooted in the same types of sorrow you have encountered? Everyone suffers, some more than others, but if we as a people, can find it within our hearts to overlook small things that irritate us, and reach out to people instead of pushing them away, or attacking them.....just think of the stories we would hear....and these stories would bring us together, in understanding, in friendship and love.....when we fail to do this, we are filled with anger, and judgement and we see only our own story and we feel the injustice of it all.....and none of these feelings bring peace.

Originally published on Blogger, July 5, 2013

This week I read the story of Lazarus. I have read it countless times before, but this time many things jumped out at me……Jesus loved Lazarus…..the man Jesus….Lazarus was his friend, Lazarus was dear to Him. When he was informed that His dear friend was sick and near death, Jesus could have rushed to his side….He could have just spoken a word right there, without even leaving…He could have healed Lazarus in an instant……..but He did not….He delayed……He was in sorrow for His friend…but He delayed…….Lazarus died.

Now everyone knows the rest of the story…but did you notice the grief and anger from Martha and Mary….Martha who cried out “Lord had You only been here, he would not have died!” Her cries are so similar to my cries of “Why Lord?” Mary. In her grief, she also wonders why…and yet she believes….she states that Jesus is the Messiah…the very Son of God…..and yet she wonders why He did nothing to save her brother.

Before calling Lazarus from death to life, our Lord stands outside his tomb and weeps. Why does he weep. He knows that which He is about to do…and yet He weeps. Perhaps He weeps for Lazarus, who must now leave eternal glory and come back to a life of flesh and misery, come back and walk in a world where he will see his friend and his Lord hung upon a cross, and where he will live out his days and die one day, weak and old, or sick and broken…perhaps that is why our Lord weeps. Perhaps He weeps for those standing with Him, for they do not truly understand all that He is.

I dare not presume to know the will or purpose of God, but it is good to sometimes reflect on things. Recently in one of my prayers, one of those broken prayers asking why…one of those prayers telling God that I would do anything to take away this pain, to bring these souls back, to grant them a long and happy life here upon this earth with those who grieve for them…during this time something came to my mind. What if I was given that power? What if God allowed me to choose, allowed me to bring back those we have lost, restore them to their loved ones, and grant them all life and happiness here on this earth…..and the only catch is that I must understand the cost?

Cost? What cost in bringing back a loved one lost too soon, lost in tragic circumstances? Surely God did not mean for this to happen to them? Surely it is a result of sin in the world, or an accident, surely?

When I began to ponder what possible cost could there be….this came to mind. What if in bringing back one of these loved ones, I knew that I was condemning ten others to eternity apart from God? What if I, knowing that these loved ones are with Him, that I and those they loved will see them again? What if I could bring them back here right now…but the cost was the eternal destiny of others? These others may be strangers to me, or they may be dear to me…perhaps they are brothers of the ones who have gone over, or sisters, husbands or wives; they might even be children….or parents. If I knew the cost would I still choose to bring them back?

If faced with having the power to award a long life here on earth, together with those they loved, and yet an eternity in heaven with someone they held dear not present, or even strangers, perhaps a handful, perhaps a multitude… Not there…doomed to eternity apart from God…..would I bring them back?

Again, we must not presume to know the will or purpose of God in these matters. And we must learn from Job “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing”, and never accuse the Creator and Sustainer of life of wrongdoing.

But it is safe to remember and to meditate upon the will of God revealed in the scriptures and upon His character as it is revealed in scripture. He is good; He loves those who He has called. He has plans to prosper those He calls. He is merciful. He is right. He is just. He is all these things and more.

Notice that I have not answered my own question. I have not answered whether I would choose to bring them back, were it in my power to do so. This is intentional for I see within myself the possibility of choosing wrongly, of choosing to do whatever required in removing the pain of those I love, to restore dear ones to this world from which they were in my eyes removed too soon. So instead of choosing, I will only say this, it is good that I have not this power, it is good that you have not this power, it is good that such power rests in the sure hands of He who knows all things, in He who works always, for the good of those He has called. Instead of answering the question, I choose to trust Him, although I do not understand I choose to trust Him, although I am hurt and angry and at times utterly dismayed….I choose to trust Him.

Will you also trust Him?

Of late there has been an abundance of occurrences whereby the opportunity to extend mercy and compassion has been made available. Currently my family has endured two suicides in a three month period, over the past few years I have come to know many people who have suffered the loss of a son in combat, and it seems that all my friends are struggling with various heartaches, from deaths in their family to very ill family members, lost jobs, and just all around hard times.

Being merciful and having compassion on others can consume you if you are not careful, it can lead to depression, to despair, to hopelessness, as God brings one person after another into your life that is hurting. In most cases you are powerless to do much about the situation, you may offer comfort, you try and console, you try to bring hope, you try to show love, in other words…you extend to the hurting the gift of mercy and compassion.

The situations my family have endured and many of my friends has led me to reflect upon this gift I have….is it a gift or is it a curse? There are some days when I feel so burdened, so weighed down with the sorrow of others that I can hardly focus on the mundane tasks at hand, and I feel discouraged, and very sad. Today was such a day. When I arose this morning I felt discouraged. Various trials being experienced by persons that I love very much were heavy on my heart, and I cried out to God…”how much longer Lord?”..” I cannot stand feeling like this, I cannot stand this constant burden, I cannot stand this constant worry for those I love…..how wonderful it must be to be able to simply live life without so much concern for the welfare of others.”

And then it came to me….how the gift of mercy is truly a gift. It is a small and tiny piece of God’ own heart….He is burdened for the sorrows of His children…..He hurts for them…and He desires me to pray for them, he desires me to offer words of comfort…He desires me to stand beside them……and in so doing He is standing with them, He is offering comfort, He is praying….What a wonderful thing to be used by God in such a way!

We are His hands here on earth! We are His voice! We are His arms! We are His legs! We must embrace all that He places on us, and do His work!

Romans12: 9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ¹¹ not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; ¹² rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; ¹³ distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. ¹⁹ Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. ²⁰ Therefore

“Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours,
Yours are the eyes through which to look out
Christ's compassion to the world
Yours are the feet with which he is to go about
doing good;
Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.”
― Teresa of Ávila

 

Originally published on Blogger June 26th, 1013

Happiness is fleeting at best, for to be happy everything must be as one would like it to be……but joy is always possible, one cannot be happy while in the midst of sorrow, but one can have joy in the midst of sorrow. Despair destroys both happiness and joy, for in despair there is no hope, no light, nothing of beauty, nothing to delight in, nothing to be amazed by…….so I choose to reject despair and take up sorrow………for my family and for many of my friends, there has just been too much recently to grasp at happiness….for me, in order to be happy, my children must be happy, my husband must be happy, finances must be certain, health must be good, and my extended family and friends must likewise have these things….if any is lacking, if there is concern, if there is loss, if there is suffering of any kind, then happiness escapes me. Buy Joy…joy is another thing entirely!

 I rejoice in the midst of sorrow, I rejoice that loved ones who have left this world are with Him, where there is no more sorrow, where they are as He meant them to be, where all is well, and where I will one day be……I will see them again.

In the midst of sorrow, I rejoice in creation, in the wonder of the flowers, and the life that surrounds us, in the antics of silly dogs as they play, in the wonder of children as they ask simple questions about things I often do not even notice…..I rejoice in these things.

In the midst of sorrow, I rejoice in the people He has brought into my life, the dear friends, and the strangers who seem to fall from the sky right when I or someone I love need their expertise. God is so good to have sent such people my way.

I rejoice in His grace, in the midst of my sorrow, His abundant marvelous grace that never rewards me for my thoughts, my deeds…but instead pours out goodness and mercy upon my so often sinful soul.

I rejoice in His word, that brings comfort to my soul, and in His promises to which I cling. He will not leave me, nor forsake me, He is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He is true.

All around us are blessings, for He blesses the righteous and the unrighteous with the simple wonders of creation, the air we breathe, the gentle breeze on a hot summer day, the refreshing rain that falls upon the hot parched earth, the flowers that fill the air with their wonderful fragrance….all these things and more are given us each day. 1000 blessings, and on most days we miss even seeing 999 of them.

Take a moment and watch this short video….perhaps it will help you as it has helped me, to see the beauty around you, to see the blessings around you, no matter what loss, no matter how sad, no matter the sorrow….there are always things to be thankful for. It is a truly profound video, I do hope you take the time to see for yourself.

I am glad to see that The Blaze has picked this story up....hopefully other news networks will follow. Daniel took his life on June 10th, the same day that my niece's husband Allen took his. This is happening far too often. Our active duty troops and our veterans are not getting the help they need, the help they earned, the help they deserve, but are instead being discarded, and most Americans do not even know that we have a near epidemic of military suicides going on.
Daniel Somers served his time in hell, right here on earth, he did so on our behalf, and since his family has saw fit to release his last words....it is good and right that everyone take a moment and read them. A man's last words ought to be heard. It is too late for Daniel, it is too late for Allen, it is too late for Trevor and for the countless others who take their own lives...but if we listen, if we pay attention, perhaps we it will not be too late for someone.

These are his words:

I am sorry that it has come to this.

The fact is, for as long as I can remember my motivation for getting up every day has been so that you would not have to bury me. As things have continued to get worse, it has become clear that this alone is not a sufficient reason to carry on. The fact is, I am not getting better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on. From a logical standpoint, it is better to simply end things quickly and let any repercussions from that play out in the short term than to drag things out into the long term.

You will perhaps be sad for a time, but over time you will forget and begin to carry on. Far better that than to inflict my growing misery upon you for years and decades to come, dragging you down with me. It is because I love you that I can not do this to you. You will come to see that it is a far better thing as one day after another passes during which you do not have to worry about me or even give me a second thought. You will find that your world is better without me in it.

I really have been trying to hang on, for more than a decade now. Each day has been a testament to the extent to which I cared, suffering unspeakable horror as quietly as possible so that you could feel as though I was still here for you. In truth, I was nothing more than a prop, filling space so that my absence would not be noted. In truth, I have already been absent for a long, long time.

My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure. All day, every day a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh or cry. I can barely leave the house. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing.

You must not blame yourself. The simple truth is this: During my first deployment, I was made to participate in things, the enormity of which is hard to describe. War crimes, crimes against humanity. Though I did not participate willingly, and made what I thought was my best effort to stop these events, there are some things that a person simply can not come back from. I take some pride in that, actually, as to move on in life after being part of such a thing would be the mark of a sociopath in my mind. These things go far beyond what most are even aware of.

To force me to do these things and then participate in the ensuing coverup is more than any government has the right to demand. Then, the same government has turned around and abandoned me. They offer no help, and actively block the pursuit of gaining outside help via their corrupt agents at the DEA. Any blame rests with them.

Beyond that, there are the host of physical illnesses that have struck me down again and again, for which they also offer no help. There might be some progress by now if they had not spent nearly twenty years denying the illness that I and so many others were exposed to. Further complicating matters is the repeated and severe brain injuries to which I was subjected, which they also seem to be expending no effort into understanding. What is known is that each of these should have been cause enough for immediate medical attention, which was not rendered.

Lastly, the DEA enters the picture again as they have now managed to create such a culture of fear in the medical community that doctors are too scared to even take the necessary steps to control the symptoms. All under the guise of a completely manufactured “overprescribing epidemic,” which stands in stark relief to all of the legitimate research, which shows the opposite to be true. Perhaps, with the right medication at the right doses, I could have bought a couple of decent years, but even that is too much to ask from a regime built upon the idea that suffering is noble and relief is just for the weak.

However, when the challenges facing a person are already so great that all but the weakest would give up, these extra factors are enough to push a person over the edge.

Is it any wonder then that the latest figures show 22 veterans killing themselves each day? That is more veterans than children killed at Sandy Hook, every single day. Where are the huge policy initiatives? Why isn’t the president standing with those families at the state of the union? Perhaps because we were not killed by a single lunatic, but rather by his own system of dehumanization, neglect, and indifference.

It leaves us to where all we have to look forward to is constant pain, misery, poverty, and dishonor. I assure you that, when the numbers do finally drop, it will merely be because those who were pushed the farthest are all already dead.

And for what? Bush’s religious lunacy? Cheney’s ever growing fortune and that of his corporate friends? Is this what we destroy lives for

Since then, I have tried everything to fill the void. I tried to move into a position of greater power and influence to try and right some of the wrongs. I deployed again, where I put a huge emphasis on saving lives. The fact of the matter, though, is that any new lives saved do not replace those who were murdered. It is an exercise in futility.

Then, I pursued replacing destruction with creation. For a time this provided a distraction, but it could not last. The fact is that any kind of ordinary life is an insult to those who died at my hand. How can I possibly go around like everyone else while the widows and orphans I created continue to struggle? If they could see me sitting here in suburbia, in my comfortable home working on some music project they would be outraged, and rightfully so.

I thought perhaps I could make some headway with this film project, maybe even directly appealing to those I had wronged and exposing a greater truth, but that is also now being taken away from me. I fear that, just as with everything else that requires the involvement of people who can not understand by virtue of never having been there, it is going to fall apart as careers get in the way.

The last thought that has occurred to me is one of some kind of final mission. It is true that I have found that I am capable of finding some kind of reprieve by doing things that are worthwhile on the scale of life and death. While it is a nice thought to consider doing some good with my skills, experience, and killer instinct, the truth is that it isn’t realistic. First, there are the logistics of financing and equipping my own operation, then there is the near certainty of a grisly death, international incidents, and being branded a terrorist in the media that would follow. What is really stopping me, though, is that I simply am too sick to be effective in the field anymore. That, too, has been taken from me.

Thus, I am left with basically nothing. Too trapped in a war to be at peace, too damaged to be at war. Abandoned by those who would take the easy route, and a liability to those who stick it out—and thus deserve better. So you see, not only am I better off dead, but the world is better without me in it

This is what brought me to my actual final mission. Not suicide, but a mercy killing. I know how to kill, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever. It was quick, and I did not suffer. And above all, now I am free. I feel no more pain. I have no more nightmares or flashbacks or hallucinations. I am no longer constantly depressed or afraid or worried

I am free.

I ask that you be happy for me for that. It is perhaps the best break I could have hoped for. Please accept this and be glad for me.

Daniel Somers

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/25/heartbreaking-suicide-note-from-30-year-old-iraq-veteran-to-his-family-i-am-free/

Rest in peace Daniel Somers.....rest in peace Allen Young.....

Daniel Somers

Charles Allen Young