Walking about today with a sense of something, an unnamed something, as if I stand on the edge, on the cusp, waiting for something, anticipating something. I feel somewhat unsettled, but at peace, if that even makes sense to you, I cannot find the words to describe the feeling I have. Is it anticipation, is it premonition, or did I simply eat something that has my system off a bit.
I decided to take some time at lunch today, to just walk and enjoy nature, to get away from everything normal and into a different setting. So I journeyed to the Bosque for lunch and walked along the Rio Grande River and prayed and pondered the feelings that I cannot quite place.
I had a dream last night, one which I cannot remember all the details of. Someone came to see me, she was radiant and joyful, very childlike, and she was laughing, she told me not to worry, that everything was going to be okay, that it would be “more than okay”, there was more to the dream, but I cannot remember anything else no matter how hard I try…..just this feeling that there was more and that it is hidden from me. I have a strong sense of my father also, as if he too were in my dream, but I cannot recall any details, only a strong feeling about him, a strong memory of him, but an elusive one. Again I must apologize for I know these statements I am making are contradictory and yet they remain the only words I can find to describe what I feel.
I do not often think much of dreams, for the most part mine are meaninglessness and quickly forgotten. I might recall something silly upon awaking and by the time I have had my coffee it is gone. There have been only a handful of times where I have dreamed and felt that the dream was important. All of those dreams of which I felt were important are recalled in detail. I can still remember them. How strange that a wisp of a dream, with only one small part of all that transpired remembered, would seem to fit into that important category.
But what I do recall is “everything is going to be okay”, “more than okay” and her laughter.
So I walked along the Bosque thinking on these things, praying about them, and praying for those who are heavy on my heart. It was a beautiful time to be out, the sun was shining, the skies a vivid blue, the clouds a pure white, the trees all golden, the river peaceful, the mountains majestic. You simply could not ask for a more peaceful place. I stood amongst the giant cottonwoods, in their various stages of yellow gold and brown, they are such majestic trees. As I stood, eyes lifted to the heavens the wind began to gently blow, and low and behold, my ears opened up and I could hear the trees sing!
Winter is coming, soon the cottonwoods will sleep, their leaves all fallen to the ground, they will slumber until spring, and yet they sing, their many leaves a melody as the wind twists through their branches. Perhaps the feeling of standing on the edge of something is nothing more than a change of seasons, perhaps nothing more than helping me to see that the seasons have already changed for my family, things are not like they were yesterday, they will never be as they were yesterday, but tomorrow is a new day, a new season, and there is nothing to fear.
When the Trees Sing
When the trees sing,
It doesn't really matter
If you know the song,
Or if you know the words,
Or even if you know the tune.
What really matters is knowing
That the trees are singing at all.
May 6, 1998© Matthew Joseph Thaddeus Stepanek
Click the link below and listen Carefully and tell me if you too hear the trees singing?
