Much has happened these past few weeks in my life, none of it really that enjoyable. I have been very ill, so ill that I have missed work for three weeks. During the countless trips to urgent care I was told that I have a mass on my lung, so along with the illness I was trying to defeat I now find I very well may have cancer. There were a few other things that were thrown into this mess that are personal to my family so I will not spell them all out here, but I assure you, they added more stress and anxiety to a already full pot.
So I have spent much time in prayer, and God as always has been faithful. He seldom does things as I would like Him to, but in the end His methods always turn out to be the exact way they should be.
God brought in people to take care of a great many things these past few days, I cannot name them all without spelling out the personal parts of the story, so I will just say thank you Lord for the man, who was faithful to the request, and made the call that he said he would make, and went out of his way to procure the item that he said he would procure. And thank You Lord for the lady, your servant, who did a deal with me, without even seeing me, or knowing who I was, a deal that allowed me to be successful in an endeavor that looked utterly hopeless to me, and by all accounts should have been hopeless, and yet with You all things are possible.
And then there was the doctor appointment yesterday, where I learned that the mass was a smudge, and was most likely scar tissue. A full evaluation has been ordered. I was prescribed medication and I actually feel very much better today than I did yesterday. Yesterday I was contemplating going out on short term disability, today I am hopeful that I will return to work next week. I am thankful.
And thank You Lord, for the message I received, a message that only You know how very much I have yearned for such a message, You know how my heart soared right out of my chest when I read it. Oh Lord, a million of those tears of mine, that You store so carefully in that bottle, at least a million of them were shed for such a message.
And then I arose from my bed this morning, feeling rested, feeling better and I read the news. There was a report that the city will be shutting down the homeless tent city that is downtown near the railroad tracks. Shutting down means that law enforcement will move in and forcibly remove the people and their belongings, the tents will be torn down, the people told to move along. This disturbed me greatly. As I prayed about this I felt the Lord inspire me to go down there, go down there right now and feed His people. I hesitated. Lord, I have been really sick, and due to unforeseen circumstances we are several hundred dollars behind the eight ball this month already......what will I feed them. And the Lord said "donuts". So I said okay Lord, grabbed my keys and grabbed a few snack items from the cupboard and headed off to Krispy Kreme donuts. But along the way the Lord said, "Walmart", so I pulled into the Walmart.
As I entered the Walmart I was greeted by a very special old guy, he was beaming the biggest smile, and with all his heart he greeted me and welcomed me to Walmart........and I saw him. I saw the soul within him, and he was so beautiful, and I smiled right back at him and said hello. He belonged to Jesus, you could just see Jesus shining out of him like the brightest sun.
As I made my way to the donuts I saw right away that the Lord was as usual correct in choosing Walmart over Krispy Kreme, as I could get bakers dozens for $3.98, so I loaded up.. As I passed the bananas on sale I felt inclined to grab some, so I took about 8 bunches and made my way to checkout.
As I left, my welcoming friend shouted "have a great day!", and I smiled at him and yelled " you too, God bless!", and his face just beamed like the sun.
As I got to my vehicle, a huge blackbird hopped on top, with a piece of bread so big that he simply could not get off the ground with it, he kept trying to fly and having to come back down, the bread was just too big for flight, and as I watched him, I felt the spirit of God within me saying "consider the birds of the field, they toil not yet their heavenly Father feeds them".....and I repented of my earlier concern of not having the funds to feed His homeless people today. He was showing me clear as day that He could provide the birds with so much food they could not contain it, and how could I, His child, worry that He would somehow not provide for us.
(Note: this is not the crow that was on my car, and the bread was even bigger!)
I jumped into the car and set off for tent city, praise music playing and my soul soaring with a joy that was almost uncontainable. I literally wanted to shout out the windows. I was weeping and singing and thinking, yes, it is me, the crazy lady singing in the car to herself, crying like a baby but not at all sad, rushing off to tent city with a load of cheap donuts and bananas....and it was all good.
I watched the balloons up in the air over Albuquerque, and thought of how exhilarating it must be to float so high above the city, and yet I acknowledged that my soul this morning was way higher than the balloons. Like my brother Peter so long ago, when he went up on that hill with our Lord, and he said "lets build tents right here and stay", I too wanted to just stay right here in this moment, in this feeling, forever. Sadly it doesn't work that way. There are days when our souls soar high, and there are the days when it's not so clear.
I pulled up into tent city. It was pretty quiet. I got out and opened up the back of the car, looking down ahead of my vehicle, I saw two people, huddled under blankets, backs up against the bridge. A couple of guys walked over. I told them there were donuts, and water and bananas and to help themselves. I grabbed a box of donuts, and a bunch of bananas and three waters and headed over to the bridge. It was a couple, she stood up as I approached, I asked if they were hungry and she said yes. I gave them a dozen donuts and three bananas and the water. She grabbed me and hugged me. She said "God bless you", and I begin to weep. I could not speak, could not say a word. I could only return her hug. When I finally composed myself, she introduced me to her husband, a disabled Vietnam veteran. She asked me if I had a husband, and I told her yes. You could see that she was devoted to hers. I hugged him too, we said our goodbyes and I returned to the truck.
There was still donuts and bananas and water and food in the truck. So many see the homeless as criminals and thieves but they were orderly in their taking of items. They were not greedy. As I go to the truck they would come up and take one banana, and I would press two into their hand. A young man came up and asked me if he could get food for his girlfriend, who was pregnant. I gave him a donuts and a bunch of bananas and told him to take several bottles of water.
It seemed to go a lot father than I expected, and finally the donuts and bananas and the few snacks I had brought from home were all gone and I was left with some water, so a couple of the guys moved the water over near the tents and assured me they would share it with others, and I said goodbye and drove away.
And I cried like a baby for at least ten minutes after I had left.
And my soul soars!