There are times in one's life that are clearly marked, times where dates are etched in one's mind forever. I am certain many of those within my circle of life can agree with me on this.

 The etched times that are obvious to all are the mundane ones, the wedding dates, birthdates and graduation dates. We all share those, but for some there are more terrible dates.

The date your friend died in combat.....

The date you or a friend were wounded in combat.......

The date your child died.......

The date your child was wounded in combat...........

The date someone close to you chose to die at their own hand........

The date your son went to prison........

  These kind of memorial dates cannot be truly understood until one has owned one.  I know folks who own more than one of these. I own a couple myself. I think once you own one of these you are drawn to those who also own them. You begin to understand, to truly feel the weight they carry, to be grieved by it, to hurt with those who hurt.

 I have known many moments of sorrow, and yet in this past year, an exact year from 3/12/13 to 3/12/14, I have begun to see things more clearly.

the grief between the lines of the mother who posts phrases from songs.......

the grief from the mother who posts words of endearment to her departed son........

the struggle of the young wife left behind to raise children alone.....

the pain and sorrow in the Vietnam veteran's words as he struggles with PTSD and panic attacks.....

the sorrow of holidays for those missing someone....

the soldiers who like a well-oiled clock, post their memorial comments and photos on the exact day, on a monthly basis…....

the young warrior weeping in front of the computer.......the site a memorial site for the fallen....

the song….”Paint Me a Birmingham” and the sorrow he feels when he listens to it.....

the young warrior and his bottles of Jack left on the memorial stones.....

the mother and her website declaring all out war on the PTSD that took her son's life....

the soul angry at God for allowing such loss......

the soul clinging to God for the strength to endure such loss......

the sister feeling guilty for that moment of happiness......

the father who wishes he could have changed things......

the warrior drinking to excess, seeking to drown the demons, to shut their voices, to squelch the memories...... 

the mother begging for prayer for her incarcerated son....

the mother waging war on the Army on behalf of her incarcerated son....

the feelings from many that they are forgotten, that people don't really care.....

the young warrior who twists his prosthetic foot around and around making us laugh....but behind his eyes you can see pain.....

the young warrior and the dog who just might have saved his life......

the angry young warrior in the parking lot instigating a fight....and the sad father of another young warrior who rose to the occasion.....until he saw his own son in the young man's eyes and walked away.....

the worry in the little boys eyes as he tries to be the man for his grieving mother.....

the frantic intensity of a mother as she drives back and forth countless miles, as she prays, as she frets, as she seeks with all her heart and soul and strength to make it better..........and she can't make it better....

 And so many more that I could write and write and never capture them all....

    These many years of war have caused a lot of pain, pain felt personally, pain witnessed from a distance, and yet this past year, the year that brought all the pain to a head, to an eruption that simply could no longer be contained, also brought healing, and a stronger faith, and a deeper love, a pain that ripped open the heart and laid it all bare, torn beyond human capacity to repair.....but not beyond His capacity. Throughout it all He has been close and I stand here today, this March the 12th, 2014 forever changed, forever scarred, but able to behold the beauty and grace in those scars and in the scars of others who suffer. I am grateful for every bit of this journey, from the broken times when I could not stand, to the moments of joy when I caught the glimpses of His grace.

 I have learned that I cannot save people, no matter how hard I try, in fact often when I rely upon my own strength and ability I often make things worse. I have learned that sometimes there simply are no words to say, and pretty much anything you do say will not help, and in fact may make things worse, and the best thing to do is to let people know that you care, that you love them, and that you are praying for them. Sometimes in life there just are no answers.

 I have learned to look between the lines, for this is where you often see the heart of people. What may appear to be hateful, cynical, hard or sarcastic is often a mask that hides deep hurt and terrible pain and grief.

 I have learned to hope, not that type of hope that is most common in life, as in "I hope I win the lottery" but the hope that comes of a deep and abiding faith in a personal God who works for my good and His glory, who works His most glorious works in the painful places, often unseen, unfelt and not understood, but present always. Hope that comes from the knowledge that He redeems and He loves, and He blesses.

 I have learned to see, to open my eyes to the many gifts He gives to all, the simple things, like a hawk in flight, a flower blooming, the song of the trees as they bend in the wind, the look in a dog's eyes as his head rests in your lap, the sound of the breathing of a loved one as he sleeps, the laughter of a child, the feel of the sun upon my face, the beauty of poetry, the mountain covered in snow, sun striking white until the peaks gleam like gold, the look on a young warrior's face as he sits quietly with dog in lap, the photo of the old guy, beloved brother as he crosses the finish line, the moments of peace, the moments where love is felt strong within the breast, the moments so often missed but when noticed take your breath away............life is full of so much beauty, beauty often missed. We only have this moment right now.

 I have learned to believe in His promises, to listen to dreams, to look for His grace, to sing in the mundane, to rest in His love and mercy. I would like to say that I have found happiness, but as we all know, happiness is an elusive creature, dependent upon circumstances, and sometimes the truth of the matter is........circumstance suck......but joy is in the knowing that He is working, that all is for a purpose, even if I never come to know exactly what that purpose is, and that this place here is temporary and one day everything will be made right, and I will dwell with Him, and there will be no more sorrow, no more sickness, no more despair, no darkness and best of all......there will be no death and He will be the Light there!

 There is joy in that knowledge, indescribable joy.

  So here I stand, on this Memorial Day, one year ago today my daughter in law, Melanie Griego, stepped from this life into the arms of her Lord, leaving behind nothing but questions and sorrow and guilt and pain. A few months ago God was gracious to me and sent me a dream. It was a long dream, but I can only recall one portion of it. My father was there, and Melanie was there, we talked a lot, I felt such a sense of peace and purpose. At the end she laughed, a laugh full of joy and childlike delight, and she said to me, "do not worry Ma, it is all going to be okay, in fact it is going to be more than okay!" and I awoke. I could recall nothing that my dad had said in the dream, but I knew I had seen him for the memory of his presence was strong in my mind, and I could recall nothing of what Mel had said......except that one sentence and her laughter. If I close my eyes right now, I can see her laughing, I can hear it; can hear her clearly saying......

"Do not worry Ma, it’s all going to be okay, in fact it's going to be more than okay!"

 

It’s been a long road and I know not how much longer the journey will take, but I move ever onward, over obstacles, through the deserts, and the valleys, sometimes running, sometimes walking, sometimes crawling and occasionally just curled up on the side of the path weeping for a moment……then onward again, my eyes are upon Him, the Author and Finisher of my faith, my hope is in Him, my trust is in His goodness, His righteousness, His grace and mercy.

 

I remember…….I have not forgotten…….dance for Him, sing for Him, it must be glorious……I look forward to the day when I can join the dance.

http://allisgrace.posthaven.com/in-his-presence-all-is-well

 

I'm thinking today of friends that I used to know
Who lived and suffered in this world below
They're gone off to heaven, but I want to know
What are they doing there now?
Oh, what are they doing in heaven today
Where sin and sorrow have all gone away
Peace abounds like a river they say
Oh, what are they doing there now?
There's some whose hearts were burdened with care
They spent for their moment with fighting and tears
But they clung to the cross in trembling and fear
Oh, what are they doing there now
There's some who were poor and often despised
They looked up toward heaven with tear-blinded eyes
While people heedless and deaf to their cries
Oh, what are they doing there now?

 

 I cannot speak for everyone, but I know that she is dancing and singing and laughing...............

 

  This year I have been thinking much about Lent and about these old traditions of ours, and wondering what our Lord thinks of these things. Is it truly any great sacrifice for one to give up chocolate in a world where many people never get the opportunity to even taste it as we do? To give up Pepsi in a world where others cannot even enjoy clean drinking water?

 Across the years I have failed at countless attempts to give up something during Lent. I decide to fast and in the hustle and bustle of work catch myself eating a candy bar......can I not even remember Him for one day?

  As I pondered these things and read from numerous devotionals I begin to see something. Would I be willing to approach this season of Lent differently than I have in the past? Instead of giving up some insignificant thing would I be willing to give something significant?

  I am given this life, waking up each morning with breathe in my lungs and hope in my heart and yet often I will putter about the house until my time is almost up to leave for work.....and I will fail to pray, fail to spend time in His word, fail to just take a few moments and sit in His presence. Thus I steal these moments with no regard for the One who gives them to me, day after day. So instead of giving up something during this season of Lent, I will instead give Him that which is His already. My time. To start the day in His word, to sit quietly in His presence, to lift the prayers of my heart up to Him in quiet and solitude instead of the normal frantic on the run prayers. To take the time throughout my day to see the many gifts He gives, to enjoy the many things He places in my path that I so often even fail to notice.

 It is highly likely that even in this I will fail. That is my human nature. But it is my hope and prayer that He will enable me to be faithful in this. 

    During this time of Lent we are to consider death, for death is certain for us all. We are creatures who will one day breathe our last here on earth. We know not what day that death will come. We should keep death ever in our thoughts that we might live out this life with vigor and gratitude for each breath. We only have this moment, this now, for tomorrow is not promised.

   Consider His disciples on the day that Christ died. The full story had not been written yet, all they had was the simple hard truth that the man they left everything to follow, the man that they were convinced was Messiah and Savior and King over Israel......was dead. He was beaten, broken, spit upon, mocked and ridiculed. He did nothing to stop it. They had to have been expecting Him to do something, expecting at any minute the heavens would open and ten thousand angels would descend to stop this injustice.......but nothing happened.......the man they had placed all their hopes and faith in......died on a Roman cross.

 Their hearts must have picked up a bit when the sky became dark and the earth began to shake, but even that soon passed, and they were left, hiding in rooms, utterly and completely defeated.

 When you look at the cross from their perspective, you begin to see what a terrible and dark day was the day of Christ's death. We tend to look at it from the perspective of the resurrection. We know the end of the story. They did not yet know. He had told them many things but at that time they were unable to understand Him.

 For them...."death reigned everywhere"......"death alone"

During this time of Lent we are also to consider our sins, knowing that it is our sins that placed our Lord upon the cross, it was our sins that caused His suffering, suffering He willingly accepted in our stead. What an amazing thing, that the Lord of all would see fit to become a man, walk this dirty sin stained earth, and die a forsaken death on a Roman crucifix to redeem me from the just judgement of God. It never fails to utterly astound me.

 This world is a harsh place, because of the sins of humanity. Daily we see the terrible consequences of our collective sins. Not a day passes that I do not read of something that breaks my heart. Children raped and murdered. Yesterday a story of a family who left the bones of their starved and beaten toddler in an old toy box when they abandoned their home. Stories of animals cruelly abused, dogs drug behind vehicles, sheep left starving to death in a dead and lifeless pasture. Many people whom I count as friends suffer various struggles. Some are very ill, going through chemo, uncertain of tomorrow, others have lost children to war, or they struggle as we do with the darkness of PTSD and its effects on their children. Families torn apart, children in prison, jobs lost, hopelessness and sorrow heaped upon sorrow.

 The season of Lent is about sorrow, about feeling it, remembering it, living in it........and yet it is a different kind of sorrow for the believer in Christ. It is a sorrow that leads to joy.

  In my devotions this morning I read these words;

  "The difference between shallow happiness and deep sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can't stand pain. Joy on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope----and the hope that has become joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend upon it) disappoint us.

 In the sorrow of Christ--as we ourselves experience them--we prepare for Easter, for joy. There can be no resurrection from the dead except first there is a death!"

 "It is the experience of genuine grief that prepares for joy."

   Easter is coming! Redemption is coming! Death is not the end of the story for those who believe!

 Whatever you may be dealing with, be it grief, be it illness, be it terrible loss, look to Jesus, for the story is not over, death does not win, sorrow does not win, loss does not win. In Him there is life and joy and fullness despite the circumstances you might be facing here. Meditate upon His life, and meditate upon His terrible gruesome death, a death he died for you, in your place. Meditate upon these things. Feel the sorrow of the loss of Him as he breathed His last and spoke those final words "it is finished".....and then consider the rest of the story. That He is alive, that He died to pay the price for your sins, and He rose from the dead to defeat death once and for all, that you might live and have your being in Him.......forever.

 As I leave my house to go to work, or to the store, or anywhere I might go, I normally travel west on a dirt road to reach the main road that takes me where I need to go. While traveling on that road, I can see beautiful Mount Taylor in the distance, some 103 miles away. It is a beautiful majestic mountain, the top covered in snow. Sometimes it is obscured by clouds or dust and I cannot see it, but always I know it is there.

 I imagine traveling to it on foot, crossing the desert mesa, how difficult the journey would be, but also of the joys I would encounter along the way. I imagine there would be stretches where no water could be found, where the plants are dry and the ground is dusty, but there would also be oasis’s where one could find rest and refreshment.

 It would be a long journey, and my feet would surely be sore and tired upon reaching it, but once there I would stand upon the majestic mountain top, far above the cares and toils of this life.

 Life is like that for the believer. This is not our home; we are pilgrims here, on a journey to our real home. There will be cares, troubles and sorrow along the way, but there will also be joy and blessings. We will go through spots where everything is dried up and looks dead and lifeless, where we struggle to find a drop of refreshment. But there will be times where we sit by the oasis and fill ourselves with cold fresh water, eat our fill and enjoy this beautiful thing called life.

 I am grateful for that tall majestic mountain, and how God placed it right there, for me to gaze upon each and every time I leave my house. I am grateful for the analogy He brought to mind, of how heaven is like Mount Taylor, and life is like that huge expanse of often barren land between me and heaven.

 My friends, this is not our home. We must keep our eyes on the mountain, and even when the sorrow and cares of life make it so we cannot see, we must trust that the mountain remains, and we are getting closer with each step and each breath. We were each put here for a purpose. The Westminster Confession of Faith states that our chief purpose and highest end is to glorify God, and fully to enjoy him forever.

 We glorify Him by living for Him, in the good times and in the bad, trusting in His promises, trusting in His goodness, trusting in His mercy and living out our faith so that others can see Him in us.

May God bless and keep you as you travel on towards the mountain.

  Lord, pour out Your blessings upon us, Your blessings of grace and mercy. Strengthen our weak hands and feet, mend our broken hearts, keep us focused on You and on finishing our race well.  May we run and not grow weary. May our eyes be ever upon You, no matter the circumstances, no matter how dark it may seem to our earthly eyes. Infuse us with joy as we run towards You…always towards You, and may we hold fast to Your promise that You are preparing a place for us, and one day we will kneel before You in person, and You will welcome us home and we will reside forever more upon the beautiful mountain.

Each step I take my Saviour goes before me,
And with His loving hand He leads the way,
And with each breath I whisper "I adore Thee;"
Oh, what joy to walk with Him each day.

Each step I take I know that He will guide me;
To higher ground He ever leads me on.
Until someday the last step will be taken.
Each step I take just leads me closer home.

At times I feel my faith begin to waver,
When up ahead I see a chasm wide.
It's then I turn and look up to my Saviour,
I am strong when He is by my side.

I trust in God, no matter come what may,
For life eternal in His hand,
He holds the key that opens up the way,
That will lead me to the promised land.

No matter the time nor distance, you never forget your best friend from childhood. Mine lives very far away now but she will ever have a special place in my heart. We grew apart, I moved away and we lost touch for many years. I am grateful that God has brought her back into my life.

 She is in a trial right now, one of those difficult ones that very few are called to face, she has been walking this uncertain road for some time now, and tomorrow is a milestone in that walk.

 Lord,

  I am asking for a special blessing for my best childhood friend. You know her situation Lord, you know the burden she carries. Tomorrow is a big day for her and her family, a scary day, an uncertain day, and I ask that she and her family would feel Your presence strong as they venture into it.

 We ask for Your grace in abundance, and Your presence with each and every person who plays a part. We ask that You would grant the words to her as she speaks, that in speaking her heart would be heard and seen by those who listen and that all would be touched by her words.

 We ask for Your strength to the family, that they might be given all that they need to endure whatever comes. We ask that the outcome would be in their favor if that is possible and within Thy will. We ask for Your protection upon them all, and Your guidance and that whatever happens tomorrow, all would be orchestrated by You and no other.

 Depending on what happens, there will be various things that will need to be worked out, and we ask that You would prepare all that is needed.

 Bless my friend Lord, she has been a faithful servant, she is your child, her heart is weary and worn from all of this mess and she ever looks to You for grace and mercy. Lord be her Strong Arm tomorrow, be her Comfort and her Peace, be her Deliverer. Give abundant grace and mercy to all who stand with her, and help hold her up.

Shine tomorrow Lord, shine like the brightest sun. May all that transpires there be for Your glory and the good of those who love You and are called by Your name. Lord my friend loves You and is called by You. Bring great good to her Oh Lord.

I ask these things Lord, with all my heart and soul, I ask them in faith that You love me, and her and her beloved son.

Lord show Yourself strong tomorrow in the life of my friend and her son.

All praise, all honor, all glory to You Lord,

In the name above all names, in the name of Jesus my Lord I pray these things,

Amen

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!


  The Lord be with you my friend, you shall be in my prayers, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. He loves you so my friend. All things are for a purpose, so trust Him, even in this, trust Him. I shall be with you in spirit.




And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way...

He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.

Life is so hard sometimes, and yet life is so beautiful. So much suffering, so much pain, so much sorrow, and yet so much grace. Grace poured out, my cup overflows with it, I am unable to contain it, unable to measure it, and often I miss it completely.
 Lord, I am so thankful, so very thankful for Your grace and mercy, and the forgiveness that You have given unto me. I have not earned even the smallest measure of it, am not worthy of the tiniest morsel, and yet You heap upon us your love and mercy and grace.
 Whatever comes Lord, whatever tomorrow brings, whatever comes next month, or next year, I stand in awe of You, I hold fast to faith, for I know that my Redeemer lives.
 You have brought me to this place where I now stand, to these circumstances. Nothing comes into my life that You have not allowed. I do not understand fully, I am not certain of Your purpose in all this, nor can I see the end of it all, but I, in all these things that have occurred and are occurring, know without doubt that You are present in it all.
 So I stand in awe of You, I stand and wait, I stand still in Your presence, and I give thanks to the One who makes all things new. The One who redeems all that the locusts might destroy. I submit myself and all that I have, all that I am, all that I care about to the only One who can save.

 Your grace surrounds me Lord, it finds me no matter the circumstance. I am so very grateful.

 YOUR GRACE FINDS ME!

It’s there in the newborn cry
There in the light of every sunrise
There in the shadows of this life
Your great grace

It’s there on the mountain top
There in the everyday and the mundane
There in the sorrow and the dancing
Your great grace
Oh such grace

From the creation to the cross
There from the cross into eternity
Your grace finds me, yes your grace finds me

It’s there on a wedding day
There in the weeping by the graveside
There in the very breath we breathe
Your great grace

The same for the rich and poor
The same for the saint and for the sinner
Enough for this whole wide world
Your great grace
Oh such grace

There in the darkest night of the soul
There in the sweetest songs of victory
Your grace finds me
Yes your grace finds me

Your great grace
Oh such grace
Your great grace
Oh such grace

So I’m breathing in Your grace
And breathing out Your praise
I’m breathing in Your grace
Forever I’ll be

Your grace finds me
Yes Your grace finds me

   How Lord can it be, that after a day like today, I can hardly contain my joy, the joy of the knowledge of You, the joy of the wonder of Your grace, that in the midst of all this darkness, all this despair, all this hurt and turmoil, You shine like the brightest star, like the sun in all its brightness, there is no darkness in You, there is no place for it, You burn it away and leave nothing but grace upon grace.