Today has turned out to be a day of testing. On this journey of thanksgiving, this journey of learning the true meaning of gratitude, today I came to a wall.
The day itself was not a bad day, I woke up to snow, when I left for work today the roads were clear, but the trees were snow covered, so it was a beautiful sight without the stress of driving in bad conditions.
Work went well, I accomplished things, it was productive. On the way home the setting sun reflected off the snow covered Sandia Mountains, the peak was covered in clouds, and it was as if the mountain went on forever, you were not sure where the top was. It was beautiful and I was blessed.
The evening threatened to be one of worry. Sometimes you pray for things so hard, you wish so very much that they were different, that it just tears your heart out when they are not. Worry looms. Prayers are sent up to heaven, and all of a sudden I am struggling to find the thanks. How do i give thanks in this Lord, what is there to be thankful for in this paticular situation? It's a work in progress, this struggle to be ever thankful, this struggle to find the joy, even when my heart is heavy, even when I cry out to God, how long Lord? Save now Lord!
At this part of the thanksgiving journey I am reading a very good book on the subject of gratitude. It is called Choosing Gratitude, Your Journey to Joy, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I have been taking it slow, and savoring it, reflecting on it.
Today I read that the average Westerner (that would be me) is more prosperous than 99.4 percent of everyone who's ever lived on earth. Wow. I recognize this truth. I am truly rich compared to most people in the world. I may not be rich by American standards, but I am rich compared to world standards. I am grateful for the many blessings God has given me. Tonight I sit on a comfortable couch, in a nice home, it is warm, I have eaten a good meal, and I have a full cup of coffee by my side. There is an abundance of things to be thankful for.
I read this also today " the difference between being full and empty is not usually between being rich or poor, at home or away, cupboards bursting at the seams or thinly lined with soup cans and Ramen noodles. The difference is gratitude.Ungrateful people are much like a container that has a hole in it, leaking out every blessing thats been poured in, always needing something else, something new to consume for satisfaction fuel."
I want to be full, like the Apostle Paul was full, sitting in a Roman prison he wrote to the Philippians these words "I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. " Wow! He was in prison, facing death, from all I have read about the period, Roman prisons were not like our modern ones, and yet Paul states that he has more than enough, he is content with all that God has blessed him with.
So tonight, I reject the fear and the worry, and I rejoice in the blessings He has given. The one thing that I seek so diligently right now has not yet been given me. Perhaps it will come tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year, perhaps in ten years, perhaps it will come after I have been called home. But He will save, He will deliver. He will use whatever comes for good. He keeps His covenant promises. I will continue to wait, and continue to pray, and as I wait and pray I will rejoice in His many blessings.